Today I attended an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I am choosing to talk about it because I am tired of living inside myself. That is a big issue with me. i have been shy, introverted and self absorbed all my life. Now I want everything to come out and stay out! (Including the fat cells! )
Anyway, it was a good meeting. I was already familiar with 12 step programs due to other addictions in the family, so this was not completely new to me. It was nice to be able to listen to others who struggle with the same issues.
I have been numbing myself with food for so long that I don't know how to really FEEL anymore. I want to feel again, I want to be alive and free. One lady spoke of her anger and how being a compulsive overeater made her angry all the time and how she yelled at her kids and husband a lot because she was so miserable. I could relate to that. I have been yelling at my kids and not been nice to my partner. For that I am sorry.
Another lady spoke of isolating herself and always finding excuses to not go places with friends because she had nothing nice to wear or just wasn't comfortable with herself to go. I saw myself in there as well.
Being an addict is a very self-absorbing condition. All you think about is me me me. How will I look? What will people say about me? I'll be the centre of attention cause I'm so huge.... when in reality I know it isn't that way because I don't look at people in that way. I have friends who are bigger than me and I don't constantly look at them and think how big they are. I love them and accept them for who they are. Yet, I can't do the same for myself......
A few of you may be shocked to know this but I am a control freak! I have been trying to control everything and everyone around me for a long time because in fact, I am so out of control myself. In the 12 step programs it talks about surrendering to a higher power. I honestly have no idea how to surrender. How do I put my life in the hands of God and trust that all will be great? How do I do that? I have no idea..... but i will be trying my hardest.
Anyway, I haven't completely read all the pamphlets that were given to me yet, but I know one of them is on making a plan. I want my plan to be raw foods as that is what I believe in the most for optimum health. Bear with me as I find my way back home......
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