Happiness...

Wow, it has been way too long since I've posted anything. Life with three kids is anything but boring! I realize though that I need an outlet for my thoughts and so as to not bore all my friends to death, I post here and don't care if anyone reads it.

So I took a workshop recently, it actually ends tomorrow sadly. It has been quite beneficial for my soul. I climbed a tree and walked a very shaky rope!  The height doesn't bother me, but the climbing of the tree was hard for me. Mainly cause I am too darn weak to lift my butt up but also because I couldn't see or feel where the next thing was to hold on to. I managed to get up.

I love trees, I think everyone knows that, they are soothing for my soul, so being in them and with them was awesome. If I could live in a tree I would. Add water and it's perfect!  Lucas and I went to Cape Breton for Thanksgiving weekend. This trail is one of my favourites. It is completely in the woods and has a waterfall at the end.

 

It was so peaceful as there wasn't anyone else there but us. There are bridges in place to cross over to the other side......

 

Finally the waterfall. What beauty!!

 

When I am in the woods, I feel at peace, I feel alive, I feel love, love of this planet, this universe, love of God.  After the last workshop, I took the day off and went to spend a few hours in the woods on PEI. Being that is is fall, the leaves were at their best. I went alone at MacPhail's homestead. Such beauty and peace! It was wonderful for my soul!

 

Happiness!!

 

I call this picture my stairway to heaven. I am sure this is what heaven is like, beautiful, peaceful and probably has rivers of chocolate.... :-)

 

This marvelous creature is hanging on for dear life, which is how I feel some days, hanging by a thread.... life trying to knock me over, but I manage to still stand and keep on trucking.

 

The love of my life used to say he admired that about me, that shit happened all the time, but somehow I went to bed at night and got up the next morning to do it all over again. I guess he is right. Even though sometimes it feels like too much and I want to give in and let it swallow me up, I don't..... I have a rest and face the day again tomorrow. Just like I have faced every day without him for the last 6 months. I miss you my love.....

 

Right now I am in a place where there are just not enough hours in a day or days in the week to do everything I want to do. I so wish I didn't have to work for a living. I am sure I could keep busy all the time with all the stuff I want and have to do. This blog being one of those things. Spending time in nature being another, knitting slippers, baking healthy foods, exercising more, reading more, taking more baths, writing more letters.... Perhaps I need to just pick one thing to do every day. Today I wrote a letter, wrote in the blog and bought yarn.  I will start my slippers as I listen to Nana Mouskouri's Christmas album, I also need to get in the Christmas spirit.  My tree is outside. It will come in tomorrow I guess because after all tomorrow is another day.....

 

 

My first day....

Today I attended an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I am choosing to talk about it because I am tired of living inside myself.  That is a big issue with me. i have been shy, introverted and self absorbed all my life. Now I want everything to come out and stay out! (Including the fat cells! )

Anyway, it was a good meeting. I was already familiar with 12 step programs due to other addictions in the family, so this was not completely new to me.  It was nice to be able to listen to others who struggle with the same issues.

I have been numbing myself with food for so long that I don't know how to really FEEL anymore. I want to feel again, I want to be alive and free.  One lady spoke of her anger and how being a compulsive overeater made her angry all the time and how she yelled at her kids and husband a lot because she was so miserable.  I could relate to that.  I have been yelling at my kids and not been nice to my partner.  For that I am sorry.

Another lady spoke of isolating herself and always finding excuses to not go places with friends because she had nothing nice to wear or just wasn't comfortable with herself to go.  I saw myself in there as well.

Being an addict is a very self-absorbing condition. All you think about is me me me.  How will I look? What will people say about me? I'll be the centre of attention cause I'm so huge....  when in reality I know it isn't that way because I don't look at people in that way.  I have friends who are bigger than me and I don't constantly look at them and think how big they are. I love them and accept them for who they are. Yet, I can't do the same for myself......

A few of you may be shocked to know this but I am a control freak!  I have been trying to control everything and everyone around me for a long time because in fact, I am so out of control myself.  In the 12 step programs it talks about surrendering to a higher power.  I honestly have no idea how to surrender.  How do I put my life in the hands of God and trust that all will be great? How do I do that?  I have no idea..... but i will be trying my hardest.

Anyway, I haven't completely read all the pamphlets that were given to me yet, but I know one of them is on making a plan.  I want my plan to be raw foods as that is what I believe in the most for optimum health.  Bear with me as I find my way back home......

Confessions of an addict.....

I always new that my eating habits were not normal or healthy, but I never realized that it was considered an eating disorder.  To me an eating disorder is anorexia and bulimia.  It was after doing a bit of research on the internet that I came to realize I am a compulsive overeater and that it too is an eating disorder.  I read the "symptoms" and thought "OMG, this is me!"  It was quite an eye opener to me.....  All these years of beating myself up for not having enough will power to stay away from food.....  I realize now that I have been using food as a drug to numb myself from all the pain I don't want to feel.  I am to the point where I don't know how to feel anymore....

Anyway, I had started blogging here in hopes of keeping myself on the raw food way of life, but it seems it did the opposite, the last year has been awful!! And rather than being raw and healthy I went copmpletely the other way.  The crazy insane lady inside of me was completely out of control. This has resulted in a 50lb weight gain, a large dose of self-hatred and a big drop in self confidence and love.

I have been working at rebuilding myself from the ground up or inside out.... I have a long way to go.... I quote from a book I am currently reading:  "I am 50 shades of fucked up"....

So I will be blogging more but for a while it won't be about raw foods, but on the hurdles I am trying to overcome...... bear with me!

Jo.....

Week 1 total

Well, I was pleasantly surprised to say I was down 6lbs on my first week.  I know that won't be every week, the first week is always so much more!  It encouraged me to keep going though, which is great!

I've recently come across a Web site (thanks Leslie!) with lots of raw recipes: http://www.therawtarian.com/
I'm going to have to try a few of these, they look really good and easy to make!

Have a good week all!

Tabouli

Here is my version of tabouli.

A bunch of curly parsley
cherry tomatoes sliced in halves
English cucumber quartered
banana hot peppers
Kalamata olives
juice of half a lemon
2 tbsp olive oil
pepper

So basically, it's Greek salad with parsley instead of Romaine lettuce.

Enjoy

Almond butter balls

The first time I had these I thought I had dies and gone to heaven.  They remonded be of Nutella.  It is the simplest recipe ever and so delicious!  i got the recipe from Jennifer Cornbleet's Raw Food Made Easy

1 cup of Almond Butter
1/2 cup Maple Syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup ground almonds

Mix almond butter, maple syrup and vanilla in a food processor.  Freeze for about 30 minutes. Form into balls and roll into crushed almonds.  Freeze for at least 2 hours before serving.

This are my treat when I need something sweet!  Don't eat too much as they are still quite high in fat, but one or two a day is good.

Raw Oatmeal

I love oatmeal and although this is cold and not as mushy, it's still good.
I add what I have on hand, this time it was as follows:

Steel cut oats soaked overnight in apple juice
raisins
sesame seeds
sunflower seeds
apple cut up
agave nectar
cinamon
almond extract

That was the first day, the second day I cut up a banana as well into it.  I don't know the measurements, I just add whatever, so just put what you like in whatever wuantity you like.

Enjoy

Chocolate pudding

I had seen a recipe for chocolate pudding somewhere before, but this is my variation.

1 avocado
1 banana
1 tbsp cocoa
1 tbsp agave nectar
a dash of almond extract

blend together is food processor

I topped with strawberries and voila!

Week 1

So my first week went well, I wasn't as starved for bad foods as I thought I would be.  Oddly, when I am raw, I am less hungry, guess because my body is getting all the nutrients it needs.  I did eat some cooked foods, but they were vegetables and Ezekiel bread.  I allow myself these things once in a while. I'm not as anal as the first time I went raw.  Not a cooked food went into my mouth then, but now I've relaxed a little.  To help with the sweet cravings, I made a few things : almond butter balls and chocolate pudding.  Pics to follow.  I walked most days except for the one I stayed home as I was so tired due to being up all night with a feverous child.  I weighed in every day to check my progress. I will tell you tomorrow only as that will be the official 1 week.

Overall I feel good and I'm happy to be back!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Before

OK, so this is my before pic take January 3rd.  You know, you can't truly appreciate how you look until you see yourself on a picture! *UGH*  I knew I had put on weight these past few months, but I guess I didn't realise just how much.  Anyway, here it goes:



New year new beginnings...

And what a year it has been..... a year of ups and downs in many ways!
Today is January 2nd, which seems to be a good day for me to begina raw again. The first time I went raw was this day 6 years ago.  Today also marks the 19th anniversary of my move to PEI.  So what better day than to start again!  I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately, but I am committed now and there are no major holidays coming up soon to distract me.  Plus my meeting with the scale this morning tells me it's about time!!

To kick start the new year I am fasting, not only does this cleanse me but it also takes away my cravings.  I've been on a sugar high for so long now, it's time to break it.  I will be drinking hot water and lemon all day... my favourite!

I'll be doing some before pictures, which mean today a bit later on, it's only 7am right now and I'm not awake....

Today I also start walking again, I'm sure Zack the dog will be happy!!  Poor thing hasn't had a walk in a while!

Well, I hope the new year brings lots of good things to all of you as well.  Anyone wanting to join in this raw journey with me can email me at johanne.waite@pei.sympatico.ca. I'm not an expert yet, but I have lots of good information I can share with you.

to a good year.... good health.... good spirit.....

Coconut Fudge...

I have tried several recipes for coconut fudge, this one by Matt Amsden is one of my faves..... (I generally amend it to suit what's in my cupboards)

3 cups of raw walnuts
1/2 cup carob powder (I use cocoa)
2 cups of shredded unsweetened coconut
1/2 cup of agave nectar (I have also used maple syrup or honey)

Grind the walnuts in a food processor until they have a buttery consistency

In a large mixing bowl combine the carob or cocoa powder and shredded coconut and mix well. Add the ground walnuts and the agave nectar (or other sweetener) and mix well.

Press the mixture into a glss baking dish, creating a flat, even layer approximately 3/4 inch think. Cut into squares and serve as is. Or cover and freeze until thoroughly chilled for a more solid consistency before cutting and serving.

Think I just might go make some now...............

namaste

Day Two....

Ok, so yesterday went well, I was able to stay off the sugar, including chocolate!  It wasn't easy by times, especially with all the Halloween candy and the chocolate bars Lucas is still selling..... but I managed to do it and lo and behold the scale was in my favour this morning by 2.2......

Speaking of the scale..... my friend...... my enemy..... some days I love you some days I hate you....

However, I have found over the course of this year that if I don't use the scale, that's when I let go. Getting on it every day keeps me accountable. I know it's not for everyone but it's what works for me.  Should have gotten on it a few more times over the summer and then I wouldn't be back where I started!  Oh well, in the words of Whitesnake.....

Here I go again.......

Detox.....

So as I begin my new adventure towards health, I must first detox.  My main concern right now is coming off the sugar high of the past few weeks.  I'm starting the day with my usual raw breakfast consisting of a mashed banana, hemp seeds, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, raisins and a bit of agave nectar. This is my powerhouse breakfast to give me the energy I need for the day.  I've also boiled my hot water and lemon for the day and will drink lots of it.

We have our first real snowfall this morning, although I'm sure it will melt before the day is done, but for now the kids are outside enjoying it.  I'll be going for a walk in it later. I hope there is enough left on the ground. I like hearing the crunching of snow when I walk.

If I'm a little cranky the next few days, I'm sorry......

A new day.......

I didn't realize it had been a month since I last posted. How time flies!  This has been another roller coaster ride of a month and what I eat was the least of my worries unfortunately.  I had been having allergies since early September and it was really draining me and wearing me down to the point where I was exhausted all the time.  Then my son broke out in a rash that lasted just about a week..... then there are the regular things of daily life like homework and activities that take up most of my time.  Anyway, all to say it has not been a good month.  But on a positive note, I finally broke down and saw the doctor for my allergies and was given some good meds.  My energy level seem to have come back up somewhat and I am able to breathe! What a joy!!  I've also started NAET treatments for myself and my son. We've both had 2 so far.  I am very intrigued by this whole process, it is fascinating!  I love hollistic medicine!  Much better than popping pills!

Anyway, I vow that this is the weekend where I begin again.  As Pumba says "It's when you put your past in your behind"  Hakuna Matata..... it means no worries..... for the rest of your life.....

So I will not be hard on myself but just accept what happened and move forward.  Plus my favourite fruit season is about to begin.... Hooray .... pomegranates!  Can't wait to have my first juicy one!!

I have also started taking some "me-time", so far it's only been 2 mornings as I have decided to get up at 5am and do yoga for 30 minutes.  With all the sickness in the house and the lack of sleep, it's been challenging to get up for 7 let alone 5, but I will challenge myself to start doing it again.  It's time to start taking care of myself again..... I have let "me" go for too long.

Watch for more postings and recipes in the next few days.....

namaste......

Obsessions.....

I hate being obsessed about my weight.  I wish weight wasn't an issue for anyone, wouldn't life be so much easier?? Why can't we accept that we are who we are and just be ok with it?  Some days that's all I think about.....  I think that most overweight people are very self-absorbed, myself included.  Have you ever noticed that?  I am always obsessed with what others might think of me if I gain or lose.  Oddly, if a friend or acquaintance gains and loses, I barely notice, so why do I think everyone will notice what happens with me?  I guess I notice and it frustrates me that I can't just lose it and keep it off.  I've come to realize one thing though, that as self-absorbed as I am, I don't like the attention that comes with losing weight.  Everyone comments, wanting to be nice, but it just heightens the focus on my body which I so desperately want to avoid.  When I start getting too much attention, then it's like I panic and need to gain it back so people will leave me alone..... twisted, I know..... I never claimed to be normal!

I love to eat, I love everything about it how it feels, tastes, smells and especially how it comforts me.....I love food and obviously it loves me cause it chooses to make it's permanent home in my hips!

I would love to get off this insane roller coaster and sail a smooth sea for a change..... now to find out how to do that without losing my mind........

Mango Chutney

This is another of my favourite recipes by Matt Amsden.  I will give you his recipe as well as my modified version.

Mango Chutney

2 cups of chopped mango

2 tablespoons of fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons raw apple cider vinagre
2 tablespoons of stone ground mustard
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
2 cloves garlic, peele and crushed with a garlic press

1 1/2 teaspoons agave nectar

1 bunch chopped fresh cilantro
1/4 cup finely chopped red bell pepper
1/4 cup finely chopped red onion or scallions
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper.

Combine all ingredients, mix well & serve

Jo's version

I generally leave out the apple cider vinagre as I'm not a fan of the taste of it, I don't put any stone ground mustard or garlic and I generally use green onion instead of red.  Raw onion and garlic do a number on my stomach, so I generally leave them out of all recipes.

Agave nectar is a natual sweetener.  Save yourself the extra expense and use honey or maple syrup.

I generally like to have this served with flax crackers or in a cabbage leaf wrap or even on it's own.

Enjoy!!

When the student is ready.....

The magazine will appear!

I am a strong believer that when you are ready to learn something new it will appear in front of you in some form or another.  This happened to me in the spring after I started yoga.  I happened to be at the drug store waiting for a prescription and was browsing the magazing rack.  This magazine popped right out at me, it is called: "Light of Consciousness" It is a journal of spiritual awakening.  Now normally I'd be looking at Oprah magazine or the latest trashy Hollywood gossip about how many kids Brad and Angie have or who gained 2 lbs and is now considered fat.  Anyway, so I picked up this magazine and just bought it, didn't even look inside. I felt I needed to have it.

Reading the articles in this magazine was life changing to say the least.  The first article was on the yogic way of life.  I wish I could transcribe the whole article in here, but the Coles notes version of it is "We have to behave and deal with others as we perceive, and at the same time believe and have faith that everyone is God, everyone is divine."  I kept hearing the song in my head as I read : "If God had a name.... what would it be and would you call it to his face..."

There was another lovely article about the Healing power of trees. They do so much for us, we could not live without them as the article suggests: " The most important thing you can do is to honour and give your gratitude to the trees that provide you with clean air and water."  I love trees, always have, love everything about them, their beauty, their grandeur, their symmetry, their endurance and strength.  So thank you my trees for the beauty you bring to my life and the clean air you provide.

If you'd like to learn more about it, here is their Web site: http://www.truthconsciousness.org/

Have you hugged a tree today?

Cauliflower Couscous Recipe

I find it difficult to write recipes as most of the time I just throw in whatever I have and don't measure it. This recipe I stole from Matt Amsden's RAWvolution recipe book so I will give you the exact one he has.

Cauliflower Couscous

2 heads of cauliflower, finely ground in a food processor
1/2 fresh cup of lemon juice
1 cup of olive oil
1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon black pepper
3/4 teaspoon sea salt
1 bunch fresh parsley, stems removed
1 bunch fresh mint, stems removed
1 bunch fresh cilantro, stems removed
One 13 oz jar pitted Greek olives

In a large mixing bowl combine all ingredients and mix thoroughly.

So now my modified version:
I only used about 3/4 head of cauliflower
juice of half a lemon
about 1/4 cup of olive oil
1 tablespoon of pepper
no sea salt
1/2 bunch of parsley
about half a container of fresh mint
1/2 bunch cilantro
about 20 kalamata olives
about 10 cherry tomatoes to add color

It's very tasty, I love that there is a lot of pepper in it. 

Enjoy!

Unwell....

Today I have a sinus cold and am quite tired. I did pretty good food wise today until I got home.  Stress seems to get the best of me when I get home with the kids after work.  My kids are active and demanding to say the least and getting home after work is generally chaos. I can't even begin to descibe it and none of you would understand unless you saw it for yourselves.  I am exhausted most nights and crash early.  I have to learn to manage it somehow and not fall off the wagon every night.  I guess I have every excuse today and I'm going to use them!  LOL.....

I have noticed that stress is a major factor in my falling off the wagon. Any time I get stressed the first thing I think about is what can I put in my mouth?! It calms me down. I guess something like a smoker needing a cigarette to calm their nerves.

Anyway, one thing I have learned is to not beat up on myself if I do stray. Just pick myself up and do better tomorrow.