Obsessions.....

I hate being obsessed about my weight.  I wish weight wasn't an issue for anyone, wouldn't life be so much easier?? Why can't we accept that we are who we are and just be ok with it?  Some days that's all I think about.....  I think that most overweight people are very self-absorbed, myself included.  Have you ever noticed that?  I am always obsessed with what others might think of me if I gain or lose.  Oddly, if a friend or acquaintance gains and loses, I barely notice, so why do I think everyone will notice what happens with me?  I guess I notice and it frustrates me that I can't just lose it and keep it off.  I've come to realize one thing though, that as self-absorbed as I am, I don't like the attention that comes with losing weight.  Everyone comments, wanting to be nice, but it just heightens the focus on my body which I so desperately want to avoid.  When I start getting too much attention, then it's like I panic and need to gain it back so people will leave me alone..... twisted, I know..... I never claimed to be normal!

I love to eat, I love everything about it how it feels, tastes, smells and especially how it comforts me.....I love food and obviously it loves me cause it chooses to make it's permanent home in my hips!

I would love to get off this insane roller coaster and sail a smooth sea for a change..... now to find out how to do that without losing my mind........