My first day....

Today I attended an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.  I am choosing to talk about it because I am tired of living inside myself.  That is a big issue with me. i have been shy, introverted and self absorbed all my life. Now I want everything to come out and stay out! (Including the fat cells! )

Anyway, it was a good meeting. I was already familiar with 12 step programs due to other addictions in the family, so this was not completely new to me.  It was nice to be able to listen to others who struggle with the same issues.

I have been numbing myself with food for so long that I don't know how to really FEEL anymore. I want to feel again, I want to be alive and free.  One lady spoke of her anger and how being a compulsive overeater made her angry all the time and how she yelled at her kids and husband a lot because she was so miserable.  I could relate to that.  I have been yelling at my kids and not been nice to my partner.  For that I am sorry.

Another lady spoke of isolating herself and always finding excuses to not go places with friends because she had nothing nice to wear or just wasn't comfortable with herself to go.  I saw myself in there as well.

Being an addict is a very self-absorbing condition. All you think about is me me me.  How will I look? What will people say about me? I'll be the centre of attention cause I'm so huge....  when in reality I know it isn't that way because I don't look at people in that way.  I have friends who are bigger than me and I don't constantly look at them and think how big they are. I love them and accept them for who they are. Yet, I can't do the same for myself......

A few of you may be shocked to know this but I am a control freak!  I have been trying to control everything and everyone around me for a long time because in fact, I am so out of control myself.  In the 12 step programs it talks about surrendering to a higher power.  I honestly have no idea how to surrender.  How do I put my life in the hands of God and trust that all will be great? How do I do that?  I have no idea..... but i will be trying my hardest.

Anyway, I haven't completely read all the pamphlets that were given to me yet, but I know one of them is on making a plan.  I want my plan to be raw foods as that is what I believe in the most for optimum health.  Bear with me as I find my way back home......

Confessions of an addict.....

I always new that my eating habits were not normal or healthy, but I never realized that it was considered an eating disorder.  To me an eating disorder is anorexia and bulimia.  It was after doing a bit of research on the internet that I came to realize I am a compulsive overeater and that it too is an eating disorder.  I read the "symptoms" and thought "OMG, this is me!"  It was quite an eye opener to me.....  All these years of beating myself up for not having enough will power to stay away from food.....  I realize now that I have been using food as a drug to numb myself from all the pain I don't want to feel.  I am to the point where I don't know how to feel anymore....

Anyway, I had started blogging here in hopes of keeping myself on the raw food way of life, but it seems it did the opposite, the last year has been awful!! And rather than being raw and healthy I went copmpletely the other way.  The crazy insane lady inside of me was completely out of control. This has resulted in a 50lb weight gain, a large dose of self-hatred and a big drop in self confidence and love.

I have been working at rebuilding myself from the ground up or inside out.... I have a long way to go.... I quote from a book I am currently reading:  "I am 50 shades of fucked up"....

So I will be blogging more but for a while it won't be about raw foods, but on the hurdles I am trying to overcome...... bear with me!

Jo.....

Week 1 total

Well, I was pleasantly surprised to say I was down 6lbs on my first week.  I know that won't be every week, the first week is always so much more!  It encouraged me to keep going though, which is great!

I've recently come across a Web site (thanks Leslie!) with lots of raw recipes: http://www.therawtarian.com/
I'm going to have to try a few of these, they look really good and easy to make!

Have a good week all!

Tabouli

Here is my version of tabouli.

A bunch of curly parsley
cherry tomatoes sliced in halves
English cucumber quartered
banana hot peppers
Kalamata olives
juice of half a lemon
2 tbsp olive oil
pepper

So basically, it's Greek salad with parsley instead of Romaine lettuce.

Enjoy

Almond butter balls

The first time I had these I thought I had dies and gone to heaven.  They remonded be of Nutella.  It is the simplest recipe ever and so delicious!  i got the recipe from Jennifer Cornbleet's Raw Food Made Easy

1 cup of Almond Butter
1/2 cup Maple Syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup ground almonds

Mix almond butter, maple syrup and vanilla in a food processor.  Freeze for about 30 minutes. Form into balls and roll into crushed almonds.  Freeze for at least 2 hours before serving.

This are my treat when I need something sweet!  Don't eat too much as they are still quite high in fat, but one or two a day is good.

Raw Oatmeal

I love oatmeal and although this is cold and not as mushy, it's still good.
I add what I have on hand, this time it was as follows:

Steel cut oats soaked overnight in apple juice
raisins
sesame seeds
sunflower seeds
apple cut up
agave nectar
cinamon
almond extract

That was the first day, the second day I cut up a banana as well into it.  I don't know the measurements, I just add whatever, so just put what you like in whatever wuantity you like.

Enjoy

Chocolate pudding

I had seen a recipe for chocolate pudding somewhere before, but this is my variation.

1 avocado
1 banana
1 tbsp cocoa
1 tbsp agave nectar
a dash of almond extract

blend together is food processor

I topped with strawberries and voila!

Week 1

So my first week went well, I wasn't as starved for bad foods as I thought I would be.  Oddly, when I am raw, I am less hungry, guess because my body is getting all the nutrients it needs.  I did eat some cooked foods, but they were vegetables and Ezekiel bread.  I allow myself these things once in a while. I'm not as anal as the first time I went raw.  Not a cooked food went into my mouth then, but now I've relaxed a little.  To help with the sweet cravings, I made a few things : almond butter balls and chocolate pudding.  Pics to follow.  I walked most days except for the one I stayed home as I was so tired due to being up all night with a feverous child.  I weighed in every day to check my progress. I will tell you tomorrow only as that will be the official 1 week.

Overall I feel good and I'm happy to be back!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Before

OK, so this is my before pic take January 3rd.  You know, you can't truly appreciate how you look until you see yourself on a picture! *UGH*  I knew I had put on weight these past few months, but I guess I didn't realise just how much.  Anyway, here it goes:



New year new beginnings...

And what a year it has been..... a year of ups and downs in many ways!
Today is January 2nd, which seems to be a good day for me to begina raw again. The first time I went raw was this day 6 years ago.  Today also marks the 19th anniversary of my move to PEI.  So what better day than to start again!  I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately, but I am committed now and there are no major holidays coming up soon to distract me.  Plus my meeting with the scale this morning tells me it's about time!!

To kick start the new year I am fasting, not only does this cleanse me but it also takes away my cravings.  I've been on a sugar high for so long now, it's time to break it.  I will be drinking hot water and lemon all day... my favourite!

I'll be doing some before pictures, which mean today a bit later on, it's only 7am right now and I'm not awake....

Today I also start walking again, I'm sure Zack the dog will be happy!!  Poor thing hasn't had a walk in a while!

Well, I hope the new year brings lots of good things to all of you as well.  Anyone wanting to join in this raw journey with me can email me at johanne.waite@pei.sympatico.ca. I'm not an expert yet, but I have lots of good information I can share with you.

to a good year.... good health.... good spirit.....